After the overshare…

So how exciting, Tappy’s waters had broken!

I got a phone call at work from Tappy telling me she’d just got back from walking the dog when there was a gush. Naturally I rambled something at my work mate and ran off.

Seeing as I’ve watched too many films I was expecting to get home to Tappy panting in pain but she was completely normal. I almost wondered if she’d just pissed  herself because the baby pushed her bladder or something. I know this’ll seem really manky to most but I sniffed her trousers to see if it was wee. Oh my god that stuff stinks, this was not wee, this was clean hamster cage.

She called the delivery suite and because she wasn’t in pain and everything seemed ok they arranged for a midwife to come round the next morning.

…ok so I started writing this on boxing day I think, I’ve been in too much of a daze to finish it 😄 so I’ll carry on but it’s a bit blurry now…

The midwife came. They had asked Tappy to keep the pads she was wearing when her waters broke to check them. Tappy had described the stuff on them (yes I know this probably isn’t what most people want to hear) as clear but the midwife felt they had a greenish tinge to them. The midwife was worried about this as it could be a sign that the baby had opened her bowels and was possibly distressed. She called the delivery suite and told them we were on way. She also told us we would not be coming home without a baby.

It was time to drive the journey I’d pictured in my head so many times before. In those day dreams Tappy was panting in pain and shouting at me for not driving quickly enough, I’d get pulled over by the police for speeding, I’d explain my wife was pregnant, they’d let us off and tell us to go even faster, I’d drop her off on the doorstep as she could barely walk, I’d park up and run back to her ignoring any payment for the car park and by the time I’d get in the entrance Tappy would be on the floor holding the baby she’d delivered on the floor of the main entrance!

It didn’t happen like this. 

Tappy was much calmer than me. I was talking way too much and swearing at all the drivers even though they hadn’t done anything wrong and hadn’t actually annoyed me. She still had no pain and was no different to before her waters broke.

Again I was almost expecting the midwives to start rushing around once we were there but were as casual as the waiters in Greece. To be fair there was no reason to, having babies takes ages apparently.

They examined Tappy and said there was no sign that the waters had broken. I hadn’t realised that waters can break from behind the baby and then it’s little head almost plugs it up. She was showing signs of contractions on their machine but was having no sign of feeling it. I’ve never seen her so relaxed.

There was no sign of the baby coming any time soon and they needed to bed due to a busy night so they sent us home and told us to call later. We did go home without a baby 🙁. This was quite a good thing, we dropped in at tescos on the way home for some food and entertainment,  the food came in very handy because they don’t feed the partner. We felt we needed to buy Edie something for Christmas seeing as we hadn’t expected her until January, she got a little elf coat and reindeer baby grow. 

Once we were back in it took about 2 hours before someone came to see us. The whole time I had 2 voices in my head, the one wanting to kick off for leaving my wife sitting there without attention and then the reasonable voice telling me that the fact no-one was checking was because they weren’t concerned about her because she was doing perfectly fine. I keep telling the first voice to shh. 

I can’t believe how good all the staff were. I can imagine after the training the job interview must just be them getting a load of abuse thrown at them while people puke and poop on them to see how they handle it.

Although I’ve described Tappy as being calm (which she was) she was really concerned about whether she should have an epidural before the contractions had really begun. She had planned for a water birth but wasn’t able to because of them needing to induce her. She went for it and I’m so glad she did. She didn’t feel any pain, she could just feel pressure so the birth was so much simpler than you often hear.

She was having contractions but they weren’t regular enough, you need to have 4 every 10 minutes but she was having 2 or 3. Once they eventually started we waited for a while, we watched Harry potter and 101 dalmations (that’s 2 separate films,  it’s not a Harry potter you haven’t heard of) then Tappy said she was going to be sick. Before anyone could get her a sick bowl she projectile vomited all over herself repeatedly. Thinking back this really cracks me up. I asked if this was normal and the midwife, as if not wanting to get our hopes up, explained this usually happens when you’re fully dilated. She examined her and instead of giving us a measurement said the head was already right there and Tappy could start pushing. I quickly called the Dad so he could be at the hospital although not at the birth. 

She pushed so well it felt like it took hardly any time  (I think it was about an hour). Edie’s heart rate started to drop near the end and they had to quickly get in a doctor to get one of them sucker cup things on top of edie’s head. She came out with one arm up next to her head like a little superman. 

So little Edie was born and it’s been a blur since then, hence why it’s taken me about a week to get round to posting this 😊

I know I’ve rambled on this but there’s still loads I haven’t mentioned. I’ll talk about them another time but for now I’m tired and you’re bored.

WE’RE MUMS!

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