Edie had her first soft play experience yesterday, and so did I with a child as young as 8 months.
I checked to see if there was a special baby section but there wasn’t so we went and sat in a nice little area with some soft, colourful blocks. This was all going well until I thought the slide would be a good idea. I still stand by this, there was no way I’d have known she’d be terrified of a big blue thing with a crazy face on it…
I noticed there was a ball pit that was empty, this would be perfect. I’m sure Tappy mentioned Edie loved a ball pit at one of her clubs before. Those places really are mazes and after making my way through it, very much like the scene near the end of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, I had mad it to the ball pit!
It was great, our own little cage with more balls than she knew what to do with. And that’s when it happened.
We were surrounded. “Hi, I’m 4 years old and I live at 29 etc etc” was the first voice. They were all 4 and they were all talking to me. It was terrifying!
I acted casual. “Are you bored of this now Edie, shall we go back to the blocks?” I smiled as I squeezed myself through the ridiculously small gap to get through with a baby, as if it had been designed for a child. I fought my way through the hanging punch bags that were also riddled with children. Eventually I was back in the safety of the first area. I relaxed slightly until I realised I’d been followed, ALL OFF THEM HAD FOLLOWED ME! Edie picked up a block…one of the 4 year olds took it off of her. Ok, there are more blocks, I gave her a different block…the same 4 year old took it off of her and put it on top of the other block. She was mocking me. She smelled my fear. Edie picked up a ball that had escaped from the ball pit…the same 4 year old took it from her, or should I say tried! I finally stood up to her, “why don’t we let her have this one, there’s plenty more for you to play with”, the girl listened. I would like to point out this girl was giving Edie a proper weird stare while this was going on too. You could say I’m a hero, but I’m not, just a regular lesbian mum in a soft play area with a fear of kids and adults and just about everyone.
Luckily for me Edie got tired so I could make a real excuse to get out of there and let her have a nap. It was actually really good and we’re thinking of talking Edie there for her birthday. Ideally I’d like to hire it…and ban scary 4 year olds, WHY WERE THEY ALL 4?? And why did one of them feel the need to tell me her address?? Weirdos!