We searched loads of cabbage patches, gooseberry bushes, there are no storks to be found round our way so eventually we decided to google it and we found Co-parentmatch.com.
Basically it’s like a dating site but where you’re asking if someone wants to mix their genes with you. It was all a bit odd really and you definitely learn a few things along the way but luckily for us it worked out well. I should mention we tried a couple of co-parenting sites but this was the only one we really got on with.
I’ll go into more detail another time but for this post I just wanted to talk about how odd some of the profiles are.
We made our profile (oh my god, I’ve only just thought about other people staring at our profile, judging us, calling us freaks) so now we were ready to browse for tadpoles!
My particular favourite was a man who said he didn’t mind who he had a baby with. He didn’t care about having any contact with the child. The only condition he had was that he wanted the conception to happen naturally….???….??…oh right ok….I suppose someone, somewhere might go for that….??…
The biggest surprise was how many men contacted us saying they were willing to donate us some sperm, they had already done this many times before, they had no contact but were kept up to date with photos. This isn’t the sort of arrangement we were looking for anyway but then they’d just let you know a few of their kids had conditions that were likely being past on through their genes….You’re not selling yourself to us there, bless your heart. And just a thought but if you’ve already got quite a few kids and you’ve got a genetic disorder maybe you should think about enjoying the kids you’ve got? As I say, just a thought. Just thinking out loud here. Oooooah I’ve just clicked! Once they’ve got you hooked they’ll go in for the old natural conception trick! I’m onto you ya swines!
You can search for all kinds of different things. Our ideal donor was a gay man who would like contact but not custody and lived fairly close. Thankfully, because that’s what we were looking for, the men we liked definitely didn’t want any funny business, they probably just wanted to take us shopping and sort out our haircuts. Something that was fairly common was gay men who were happy for the woman to have custody and they didn’t want lots of contact but they wanted to have a say just about everything in the child’s life. I really think people need to think about what they’re asking for. It does make me wonder though, did these men get many people contact them? We didn’t, but I know when our top two favourites fell through (actually one didn’t reply for ages so we assumed he didn’t like us, we later had his daughter) things could have started getting pretty desperate and I wonder if we might have contacted someone like that had it gone on long enough. Someone we did contact as we were getting a bit needy explained he would like contact with the child and for the child to know his family. He then explained he wasn’t out to his parents. Me and my partner shared confused looks with each other at this point. We politely asked how he was planning on explaining becoming a dad to them without coming out. We never heard from him again. I still believe it was a fair question.
I remember finding the whole thing exhausting. Then we had a baby and I laugh at the old me, what a div! I’ll show you exhausting you care free, child free divvy!